SMART Recovery "Tool Time" - A Cognitive Distortion

Tool time 23 Oct 2013 with TwoPutts

JAMMED with SLOP

Jumping to a conclusion
All or nothing thought
Mental filter
Magnification
Emotional reasoning
Discounting a positive

Should statement
Labelling
Over generalization
Personalization or blame

Cognitive Distortion
Ten Forms of a Self-Defeating Thought
http://www.skysite.org/primer/distortions.html

1. Jumping to a conclusion
I interpret a thing negatively when there is little or no fact to support my conclusion.
Mind reading: Without checking it out, I arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to me or has a certain motivation.
Fortune telling: I predict that a thing will turn out badly. Before a test I may tell myself, 'I'm really going to blow it. What if I flunk?' If I'm depressed Imay tell myself, 'I'll never get better.'
I might ask myself: What evidence do I REALLY have? How much is this other person struggling? I might let it go a little bit.

2. All or nothing thought
I see a thing in a black or a white category. If a situation falls a bit short of perfect, I see it as a total failure.
When a person on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, they told themself, 'I've blown my diet completely.' They upset them so much with this thought that they gobbled down an entire bucket of ice cream!
I might ask myself: How bad is this REALLY? How much might I salvage to grow from this?
An ice-cube is less than an ice-berg.

3. Mental filter
I pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that my vision of all of reality becomes darkened, like a drop of ink that discolours a beaker of water.
Example: I receive many positive comments about my presentation to a group of associates at work, and one of them says something mildly critical. I obsess about this reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.
I might ask myself: Where is a weight of evidence? Where is a positive I might build on? The ink only spreads, in this case, if I MAKE it spread. It isn't ink at all.

4. Magnification
I exaggerate an importance of a problem or shortcoming, or I minimize the importance of a desirable quality of mine.
This is also called a 'binocular trick.'
I might ask myself: Where is a positive? How might I build on this? A thing tends not to last.

5. Emotional reasoning
I assume that a negative emotion of mine necessarily reflects a way a thing really is: 'I feel a bit afraid about going on an airplane. It must be very dangerous to fly.' Or 'I feel a bit guilty - I must be a rotten person.' Or 'I feel a bit angry - this proves I'm being treated unfairly.' Or ‘I feel a bit inferior - this means I'm a second-rate person.' Or 'I feel a bit hopeless - it must really be hopeless.'
I might ask myself: How reasonable is it to make a bit of a feeling equal a bit of reality?
Look at the USA tool in REBT.
Listen to Hank Robb’s Podcast on “ACTing SMART."

6. Discounting a positive
I reject a positive experience by insisting 'it doesn't count.'
When I do a good job, I may tell myself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well.
Discounting a positive takes a bit of joy out of my life and I make myself feel a bit inadequate and a bit unrewarded.
I might ask myself: What helpful thing might I say to someone else who has done this? I might say “Thank you!” when complimented. I might build on a success of mine – find it; enjoy it! "A bit of progress, rather than a bit of perfection" J

7. "Should statement"
I tell myself that a thing should be a way that I hope or expect it to be.
After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told themself, 'I shouldn't have made a mistake.' They made themself feel so disgusted that they quit practicing for several days. 'Must,' 'ought' or 'have to' are a similar offender.
'Should statement' that is directed against myself tends to lead to a bit of guilt or frustration.
Should statement that is directed against another person or the world in general tends to lead to anger or frustration: 'They shouldn't be so stubborn or argumentative'
A person may try to motivate themself with a should or a shouldn’t, as if they were a delinquent who has to be punished before they can be expected to do a thing. 'I shouldn't eat that doughnut.'
This usually doesn't work because a should or must tends to cause me to feel a bit rebellious and to get an urge to do just the opposite.
It is called a 'shouldy' approach to life.
I might ask myself: Why 'should' it? Why 'must' it? Why 'ought' it? It would be nice if it wasthe way I prefer ir to be, however my life will go on regardless. I might look for a bit of progress rather than a bit of perfection.

8. Labelling
Labelling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thought.
Instead of saying 'I made a mistake' I attach a negative label to myself. 'I'm a loser.' 

I might also label myself 'a fool' or 'a failure' or 'a jerk.'
Labelling is unhelpful because I am more than a thing that I do.
As a complex human being I exist - a simple 'fool' or 'loser' or 'jerk' does not.
A label is a useless abstraction that tends to lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, or low self- esteem.
I may also label another person.
When a person does a thing that rubs me the wrong way, I may tell myself: 'They're a S.O.B Then I feel that a problem is with that person's 'character' or 'essence' instead of with a thought or behaviour of theirs.
I tend to see them as 'totally bad.'
This causes me to feel hostile or hopeless about improving a thing and leaves little room for constructive communication.
I might ask myself: Is this ALL you, or they, are?
Aren't I much more sophisticated and valuable than one, two or fifty things that I have done?
"Once I have an opinion of someone, I cease to experience the person and just experience my opinion of them."
This works for me as well as for them.
I might consider giving ME or THEM a little bit of room to just be – no one thing speaks about all things in a person.

9. Over-generalization
I see a single negative or unhelpful event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as 'always' or 'never' when I think about it.
A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the windshield of his car. He told himself, 'Just my luck! Birds are always pooping on my car!'
I might ask myself: How possible is it that this will ALWAYS or NEVER occur? In what way might I be limiting myself with this?

10. Personalization or blame
Personalization occurs when I hold myself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under my control.
When a person received a note that their child was having a difficulty in school, they told themself, 'this shows what a bad parent I am,' instead of trying to pinpoint a cause of this problem so that they could be a bit helpful to their child.
When another person's partner beat them, they told themself, "lf only I were better in bed, they wouldn't beat me."
Personalization tends to lead to guilt, shame, or a feeling of inadequacy.
A person might do an opposite.
They might blame another person or a circumstance for a problem of theirs, and they overlook a way that they might be contributing to this problem.

'The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable.'
Blame usually doesn't work very well because another person is likely to resent being a scapegoat and they will just toss some blame right back in my lap.
It's like a game of hot potato - no-one wants to get stuck with it.
I might ask myself: Does it matter so much who or what caused this?
What might I do a bit of now to move forward?

"For me to blame someone else - shows a lack of maturity and a lack of education.

To blame myself - my education has begun and I am starting to mature.

To blame no-one and get on with a solution, or a helpful thing I might do, or an unhelpful thing I might not do, as a result - my education is complete and I have matured a bit.”

 

- Phil Viney

Day 88 of straight sobriety - 264 days of not drinking out of the last 274 :)

It has not been EASY :) - not in the least!

What has helped is the support of others who allowed me to be on the journey that I needed to take.

What has NOT helped are people who KNOW EXACTLY what I should be doing and who tell, yell, cajole me to do it! They would not be of help me in a million years.

The love of people who hug me and are there to simply support me and encourage me to do the next right thing as I see it.

SMART and the tools therein - especially the work-book and the tool-time sessions.

I am experiencing much greater mental clarity. Astoundingly better memory - especially for things I put somewhere and can find again! Once I leave the dance studio, I not only remember the routines THAT day but I can also recall them the next day! Haven't been able to do that for years.

My general mood is lighter. I have bouts of happiness. I am quicker with a smile and more content as a person.

I am listening to motivational recordings and getting them faster. I am more optimistic about the future and living a life of my choice.

It is easier this time and I suppose that is the nature of any journey - especially mountain climbing, where the life of intoxication has to be pushed off the top of this thought mountain, and replaced with something far more constructive.

Effective Beliefs and Choices

MOST times I have to use a bit of PMA – Push My Ass, somehow

A bit of ACTION creates a bit of motivation

A bit of PRACTICE to develop a bit of a habit of my conscious choice

Get a bit rid of an unhelpful idea like a bit of rock out of my rowboat.

E of ABCDE tool = Effective new belief

Planning, Patience, Practice, Persistence is needed in an endeavour I choose

Effective belief and choice

Healthy Belief

Helpful Belief

Healthy Risk Taking

Have a plan

Work on LFT – Lowered Frustration Threshold - make it HFT - a bit Higher Frustration Threshold

A new belief doesn't have to be radically different than the old - could just be a toned down more realistic version of it ("this is unpleasant and I can stand it” versus "this is awful and I can’t stand it.")

DO a bit better now, feel a bit better later

New belief will not be an old friend, it may even be uncomfortable – like a NEW SHOE. Know that it is what is needed and that it will look and serve me better, and it needs to be “worn in” a little bit over time.

My old belief was cobbled together from all kinds of absurd sources - school, pop-culture, parent, etc... This time around maybe take some time to pick or choose and carefully consider what is a bit more helpful to believe - then set out to believe it.

I would “prefer" to do well - “Prefer” rather than “demand”

B = Story I tell myself about the A

I REACT to the B, rather than the A

C = B     C ≠ A

It is a thought of mine which tends to cause stress = belief-based stress

D – where is evidence that the belief B is real? Where is evidence that the belief B is helping me?

E – Effective Belief, rather than happening “spontaneously,” are what I choose my life to look like and how I am setting myself up to be.

I put in some effort to create my own, new, healthy thought.

I DO a bit better now, to FEEL a bit better later.

Cognitive Dissonance – gap between what I cognitively accept and when I emotionally feel better because of it. An emotion needs to “catch up.”

I am a fallible human being - perfection is not even on my radar. :)

ABCDEF = a bit of a FEELING that is helpful, or desirable, or constructive.

ABCDEFG = GOAL is to “cope” in a constructive, or participative way. To participate a bit more fully. A bit of PROGRESS, rather than a bit of perfection!

ABCDEFGH = HAPPINESS because I am doing what I can do to control a thought of mine, which is where a bit of my true power exists. Unable to determine an outcome from other people, places and things. May have a little influence, but the determination is “in the hands of the Gods.” I only have control over HOW I think and WHAT I do.

I do my bit better work with ME. It is the most important tool I have.

Lapse Number 4

Was on 14th June a bottle of Tokay.

I went to an AA meeting and they said I was now on day 2.

I went to a SMART online meeting and they said I was now on day 151 - 134 days plus 3 weeks minus the 4 days I drank. That a lapse is no big deal unless it is sustained or something significant happens.

I LOVE their approach.

I am feeling a lot better, have my head on straight, have just turned 57 and have my whole life ahead of me
:-)

Mmmmmmmm - bust number three

Last night was a bottle of white wine and a miniature of scotch in a can of diet coke.

What does it mean? Whatever I cause it to!

I haven't been using the SMART tools every day and I have lost my way a bit as a person.

Had phone calls from three AA members enquiring how I am - which I really appreciate.

I walked the lake this morning at 6:15am and did a little weights.

Set myself up for a good rest of the week.

Upset stomach and not feeling all that well.

PROGRESS rather than Perfection :-)

After that horrible session of a bottle of Muscat washed down with a bottle of Red Wine, I had another drink, a bottle of Port, 14 days later.

I am well into SMART now and have used the tools, particularly the Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA) with very compelling results.

The sticking point with AA was giving my life and my will over to my higher power.

I can accept that as a notion of letting go, relaxation or meditation. But I cannot accept that there is a salient being out there that can cause things to happen in my life.

Everything will occur in my life and I have the opportunity to make what I can out of it - meaning exists because I cause things to have meaning. Usually, without purpose.

The SMART Recovery tools are best used every day and that is what I will do.

AA has some lovely people in it and it is incredibly supportive. It helped me to get 134 days up - without it I struggled hugely.

I think the combination of AA and SMART will work for me best.

Day 134 bust and Post day 134 bust

There I go!

Day 134 and a bottle of Muscat and a bottle of Shiraz downed in a bust!

What does it tell me about myself?

Not a lot!

Went to see my sponsor and he said he wanted to see me because "he doesn't want to end up like me!"

What a prick!

From there I went to a SMART meeting - another method of recovery.

I don't know where I am or what I will do, but I woke this morning with numb fingers and a prolonged drinking session is unlikely.

Day 1 again :-)

NEXT DAY:

I was right, a prolonged drinking session was unlikely.

What lessons did I learn?

AA meetings are not, by themselves, the answer for me.

I did 10 meetings in a week. Was the chair in the 9th one. Went to long-standing member's home for a cuppa on Sunday afternoon. Went out and drank.

Was feeling lower, and lower, and lower.

Had asked my sponsor to take me through the steps and he kept farting around taking me between 3 and 4.

"God" does not exist for me.

"Godliness" does! Having pure, powerful, constructive thought or emotion does exist for me.

Love exists for me and is the breath of godliness.

What works for me is the pure, the positive and the constructive. Inspiration.

I want what I want most, not what I want now!

105 Days

Yesterday I reached 105 days.

Already people who I came into the rooms with have disappeared back into their previous lives. I am very sorry to see David go back to very heavy drinking because he was lucky to survive and get into the rooms - he will be very, very lucky to get back.

It appears that there are some VERY welcoming people in AA, but a lot wait until one has shown one is likely to stick around and make it - then they will introduce themselves. A lot like how 'replacements' were treated in WW2. Some incredibly helpful and constructive people.

What have I come to believe.

A power greater than me? That is a given. There are a lot of things, most things, greater, bigger, more powerful than me. But a salient being who will direct my life? Not for me. An energy I can be more part of and use to get my life's work done? Yes, that I believe. Not something which controls, but rather something which adds to and multiplies.

I cannot control outcomes. All I can control are my efforts and while the outcome may lead from them, they are not at all certain.

Is it still a struggle?

I was shitting myself that I wouldn't get to triple figures - that I would drink before the magic ton, 100. For that preceding week, I attended meeting and dropped $20 in the bowl rather than the couple of dollars I am used to. I wanted to refill my Karma reservoir.

I made it on 23 April 2013.

I went to the Gym and got a program. I was introduced to it today. I did my first workout this morning. I am eating, exercising, living and loving properly.

I have, gratefully, my whole life ahead of me. I saw in aircraft investigations that once pilots realise they are flying into the ground, when they put power on and change direction, they still have to go through the bottom of the arc, before they begin to climb.

I am beginning to level out and I am VERY grateful for all the support and love I have had to date.

82 Days Sober

Just came from a presentation where I listened to Nigel Brennan, who had been held captive for over 400 days in Somalia talk about his harrowing ordeal.

This journey has not been horrendous, but it has been an escape from captivity of sorts.

Being away in a foreign country on a work conference, where alcohol has flowed freely, and it is MUCH harder to get a non-alcoholic drink, at times, than an alcoholic one has had it's challenges!

Things that have helped a lot are my daily reading of the daily reflection, daily prayer, listening to Joe and Charlie recordings, and Skypeing with my sponsor this week.

What was also of huge help was my non-drinking partner's presence - good on you Maria!! Having a person who was not interested in drink has made a huge difference.

I am very glad I took the time to really pump the meetings before I went away - often doing two a day - and that my headspace was sufficiently sorted before I went.

Day 64

Day 64

The 64 day question?

What a roller coaster ride early sobriety is! I came into AA on 10 Dec 2012; had three separate day busts and a full three days straight - after that conversation when I said to my sponsor "I don't want to be a hopeless alcoholic" and he said "mate! You are there!" I had no more excuses.

The life of a continual or part time drunk was not for the faint hearted, but I was medicated to enable me to destroy my life with the minimum of feelings.

At least, on this path, I have a lot of help - support in the way the program is done. Support from the people in the program I relate to.

Life was very tough last week. I was restless, irritable and discontented, perhaps, but on-edge, for sure!

My solution was to attend 2 meetings on Wednesday, 2 meetings on Friday, and two meetings on Saturday. A total of 10 meetings for the week.

By Friday afternoon I had settled down a lot and was back on an even keel.

I spoke with my sponsor early in the week and again in person on Saturday afternoon. That helped a lot. He gave me some direction.

There is a fair bit on my plate at the moment; a speech to prepare; a course to attend; troubles with my partner; a business to maintain; a recovery to work through as an ongoing spiritual recovery.

The recovery must take precedence!

There was a meeting I was half an hour late for that was an outstanding contribution to my day today.

My sponsor said to commit to the daily reflections book as an aid to my recovery - I commit to that.

The positives are the program, with the support of the fellowship.

The negative is the more I sit and listen in the rooms, the more I see myself and remember the destructive things I did.

The overwhelmingly positive things are my gradually improving quality of mind, greater relaxation, and increasing ability to forgive myself and others.

My journey is in its infancy. I look forward to helping it grow.

10 years, 5 years, 3 months, 1 day,
All have in common, just one drink away

I choose life :-)

AA Hope

I have no idea what I will hear at meetings and how I will be affected.

That is why it is so important - was so important - for me to go to meetings. To get phone numbers. To call people. To get the books. To get in the middle of the process.

Some of the things I heard there.

"Mate, you're there..." - when I said I don't want to be a hopeless alcoholic. "Jim is reliable"- after achieving sobriety. A real taste for sobriety. Isolation isn't a cure for loneliness! Godliness doesn't get expressed through me because I am good, rather because IT is good. Meetings; Sponsor; Steps; Service. Dis-Ease that we have. It is a Mental, Physical, Spiritual Dis-Ease Get a vision splendid for my sobriety. My Greater Power is Nurturing, Supporting and gives me the ability to rise to greater heights. BOAT = Bring Over Another Thousand. The purpose of the rooms is to develop a social support network. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired Sad HALTS - avoid them :-) The penny, she has dropped. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink! Wisdom, Integrity, Honesty in the rooms. Sunlight for the spirit. College of knowledge Place of peace See myself as one among many. Not a battle, but PEOPLE everywhere on both sides. Intoxicating, out of control feeling of success - humility; thankfulness. DENIAL = Don't Even Notice I Am Lying Not all important, but not unimportant either. Just here. GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING GOD = Group of Drunks GOD = Gift of Desperation Good Orderly Direction Higher power is for this speaker, the fellowship, the group, the steps, it doesn't have to be supernatural. As long as it is different from just the person them-self. Alcohol is my higher power - every time I surrender to it. "People can't tell me what to do" Let go, and let God. Give in and Get God. NRT = Next Right Thing The Loving Thing Bio - Psycho - Social influencers High Ego - Low Self Esteem OCD and other personality disorders. There is no really good treatment. Social and Environmental Factors are the triggers, it would appear = onset, maintenance and progression. Chronic relapsing disease of the brain that progresses. Increased consumption and declining health. No Alcoholic without Hope. Find it in the rooms :-D Social Isolation is the most common, debilitating, step. Liver and Brain deterioration and eventual death. Spiritual awakening is actual psyche change. Change playgrounds, playthings and playmates. DENT = Deeply Engrained Negative Thoughts. Fix these dents through the use of the program. Prison of my own creation is where I have ended up. Come as I am, go on as I would like to be Essential - Be active in my own rescue :-) Let the sunshine of the spirit in and out. Gutter can be a couch at home. Write down - Ten things that happen when I drink and how I drink. Write a job description for my higher power?? Higher power is in the NOW! Change psyche to change life. Person who is the most sober today is the person who got up earliest this morning. Most likely - Solution won't look like the problem. How does it work? It works just fine! Recovery can at times, look like a stagnant pond - needs life and movement. Read the "How it works" in the morning! 30yrs, 10yrs, 5mths, 1day, All have in common, just 1 drink away. Spirituality is "who am I really?" A life run from self-will, will not be a success. Run from a higher power will make it so. Tune into the program, tune into what is being transmitted by others. Be a conduit for Transmission once I have it. Feel part of, rather than disconnected, by getting involved. Want the effects of drinking but don't want the results :-( Chronic "I knowness" "The Great Reality is Within" Acknowledge that powerlessness needs a greater power to help with it. Write down three examples if when said wouldn't drink or moderate it and it didn't work and the consequences. "To feel" without medication or alteration Creatures of the dark and we leave because we get into the light and we are afraid of it. Give myself time and a chance to get used to it ;-) Do esteem-able acts to build self esteem. Read page 85 of the Big Book for the promises. We shall not regret the past or wish to close the door on it. When I listen to learn, I'll learn to listen. Live life on life's terms.