105 Days

Yesterday I reached 105 days.

Already people who I came into the rooms with have disappeared back into their previous lives. I am very sorry to see David go back to very heavy drinking because he was lucky to survive and get into the rooms - he will be very, very lucky to get back.

It appears that there are some VERY welcoming people in AA, but a lot wait until one has shown one is likely to stick around and make it - then they will introduce themselves. A lot like how 'replacements' were treated in WW2. Some incredibly helpful and constructive people.

What have I come to believe.

A power greater than me? That is a given. There are a lot of things, most things, greater, bigger, more powerful than me. But a salient being who will direct my life? Not for me. An energy I can be more part of and use to get my life's work done? Yes, that I believe. Not something which controls, but rather something which adds to and multiplies.

I cannot control outcomes. All I can control are my efforts and while the outcome may lead from them, they are not at all certain.

Is it still a struggle?

I was shitting myself that I wouldn't get to triple figures - that I would drink before the magic ton, 100. For that preceding week, I attended meeting and dropped $20 in the bowl rather than the couple of dollars I am used to. I wanted to refill my Karma reservoir.

I made it on 23 April 2013.

I went to the Gym and got a program. I was introduced to it today. I did my first workout this morning. I am eating, exercising, living and loving properly.

I have, gratefully, my whole life ahead of me. I saw in aircraft investigations that once pilots realise they are flying into the ground, when they put power on and change direction, they still have to go through the bottom of the arc, before they begin to climb.

I am beginning to level out and I am VERY grateful for all the support and love I have had to date.